Submitted without comment.
Fluff rice with a fork, never stir it with a spoon.
Vaseline is the best night time eye cream on the market.
You can buy alcohol and chips with your parents’ gas station credit cards.
If you force something, you’ll break it. That could be good or bad.
It’s important to read the care tags on your clothing and follow those instructions.
Related: don’t wash and dry j. crew wool sweaters.
Changing your car’s oil is not optional.
Whatever physical objects you acquire you will one day have to put into a box and move.
You’re allowed to disagree with negative feedback.
It’s always worth reading the instruction manual.
Nostalgia, like any drug, can be a poison or a remedy.
Pets are like human friends but better in every conceivable way.
Good doctors listen more than they talk.
You can’t fix a burned roux.
Just because someone is an authority figure does not mean they are intelligent/competent/right.
Measure twice, cut once.
Get your nice jeans and dress pants tailored by a professional.
If you’re uncomfortable wearing it you will not look good.
You’re not required to drink alcohol while in a bar.
There are a few things that cure all ills: the beach, your favorite album on vinyl, and fresh garlic.
Kindness is not weakness.
Baking soda is not baking powder.
Taking Excedrin P.M. while still in public is not advisable.
Terrible people will succeed. Wonderful people will fail. The world is not fair.
Appropriate footwear is always key.
You can absolutely be too forgiving.
Real humor punches up, not down.
Reading the assigned chapters will actually help you learn the material.
There are no adults. Everyone is as clueless as you are.
Applying eyeliner well is a timeless art.
You can always leave. Awkward dates, suffocating jobs, hometowns that you outgrow, relationships that aren’t growing in the right direction.
You can always come home again.
But it won’t be the same.
Life is too short for bad books, boring movies, shitty people, and margarine.
Never underestimate the importance of eyebrows.
Dating myself. No, not that way. The other way.
Bumped into this indie hip hop artist performing in Union Square. He was really good and seemed pretty cool, so I figured I’d drop a few dollars and buy his music.
Only, I realized as I walked away that the only thing I own that can play this CD is my PS3.
I remember when a CD player was a fucking investment. How will I get this album onto my phone?
I’ve also had another tattoo idea. A red balloon on a string.
Because sometimes you have to hold tightly the things you like. Sometimes you have to let them go.It’s a thought, anyway.
Q:garlic whipped feta? Ummmm ... recipe?? My love of cheese and garlic needs this inside me.
Super super simple.
1/2 cup of feta
1 clove of garlic, chopped
Plenty of black pepper
A squeeze or so of lemon juice
A few tablespoons of olive oil
Puree that mofo until smooth. Add more olive oil if needed to get a light, creamy texture.
Today, I cooked a meal for myself
Smoked salmon and polenta with garlic whipped feta and grilled fennel.
Someone be proud of me, please?
Whenever I finish live-blogging an adventure like dropping a couch on my foot, passing out, convulsing and visiting a hospital in another state, I feel like Ruby Rhod at the latter part of The Fifth Element, signing off on the evening show after the fight in Fhloston Paradise.
Thanks for all the well-wishes and requests that I go to the hospital
Between you and Ellen and Mark and friends from home who saw my tumblr and sent frantic messages, my team at work whom I had to inform so someone could take over my on-call duty, it always comes as a pleasant surprise how much I’m cared about.
I’m on Ellen’s couch, foot elevated, drinking red wine, now.
Thank you all, I love ya.
You’re the only person I know that could look that happy in a hospital bed.