Seemed like a good idea...

Apr 23

[video]

Black Belt in Fear of Commitment.

Black Belt in Fear of Commitment.

Shake, shake, shake

I’ve got vegetables steaming in a pot. These days, I’m extra paranoid about the water level when I’m steaming, because a couple of years ago, I burned my steamer basket when I wasn’t paying attention and the water boiled off.

So, I went to check the pot. Opened the lid. Looked in. I couldn’t tell where the water level was, because it was too dark. Using a fork to push aside the basket didn’t help.

"You could shake it to make it easier to see where the water is," I thought, cleverly.

Grabbed the pot. Looked in. Started shaking my butt. Honestly wondered for about a second or two why I couldn’t make out where the water level was any easier.

mintyfreshprincess asked: stop trying to die and stuff, ily

I’m doing my best!

Oh, have I mentioned that I’m taking a plane on Friday?

Also, my team’s product designer just stopped by and commented that if I’m going to go for the self-injury trifecta, I really only have two remaining kinds of limbs left to damage.

Aaaaaaand two stitches!

Found out this morning that yesterday’s cut went down to the subcutaneous fat. So, looks like I’m heading to Chicago this weekend with a sutured and bandaged thumb.

This development task was opened for my team by our director, today.
In case you didn’t already know what kind of people I work with.

This development task was opened for my team by our director, today.

In case you didn’t already know what kind of people I work with.

Hey kristassassypants, gfy.

Hey kristassassypants, gfy.

(Source: BuzzFeed)

Apr 22

[video]

Thumbs up for sharp-as-fuck food processor blades. I’ll spare you the details and just say it’s a bit on the deep side.

What is with me causing myself bodily harm, lately?

Thumbs up for sharp-as-fuck food processor blades. I’ll spare you the details and just say it’s a bit on the deep side.

What is with me causing myself bodily harm, lately?

Short wander after picking up some Starbucks. (at Brooklyn Bridge Park)

Short wander after picking up some Starbucks. (at Brooklyn Bridge Park)

[video]

“Fluff rice with a fork, never stir it with a spoon.
Vaseline is the best night time eye cream on the market.
You can buy alcohol and chips with your parents’ gas station credit cards.
If you force something, you’ll break it. That could be good or bad.
It’s important to read the care tags on your clothing and follow those instructions.
Related: don’t wash and dry j. crew wool sweaters.
Changing your car’s oil is not optional.
Whatever physical objects you acquire you will one day have to put into a box and move.
You’re allowed to disagree with negative feedback.
It’s always worth reading the instruction manual.
Nostalgia, like any drug, can be a poison or a remedy.
Pets are like human friends but better in every conceivable way.
Good doctors listen more than they talk.
You can’t fix a burned roux.
Floss.
Just because someone is an authority figure does not mean they are intelligent/competent/right.
Measure twice, cut once.
Get your nice jeans and dress pants tailored by a professional.
If you’re uncomfortable wearing it you will not look good.
You’re not required to drink alcohol while in a bar.
There are a few things that cure all ills: the beach, your favorite album on vinyl, and fresh garlic.
Kindness is not weakness.
Baking soda is not baking powder.
Taking Excedrin P.M. while still in public is not advisable.
Terrible people will succeed. Wonderful people will fail. The world is not fair.
Appropriate footwear is always key.
You can absolutely be too forgiving.
Real humor punches up, not down.
Reading the assigned chapters will actually help you learn the material.
There are no adults. Everyone is as clueless as you are.
Applying eyeliner well is a timeless art.
You can always leave. Awkward dates, suffocating jobs, hometowns that you outgrow, relationships that aren’t growing in the right direction.
You can always come home again.
But it won’t be the same.
Life is too short for bad books, boring movies, shitty people, and margarine.
Never underestimate the importance of eyebrows.” — 36 Things I Wish I Figured Out Sooner - Whitney Kimball

(Source: shessoprettywhenshelies, via iamlucyspet)

Apr 21

[video]

Dating myself. No, not that way. The other way.

Bumped into this indie hip hop artist performing in Union Square. He was really good and seemed pretty cool, so I figured I’d drop a few dollars and buy his music.

Only, I realized as I walked away that the only thing I own that can play this CD is my PS3.

I remember when a CD player was a fucking investment. How will I get this album onto my phone?

It may not look terribly pretty regrilled, but it is still delish.

It may not look terribly pretty regrilled, but it is still delish.